This picture here makes me wonder...why in the heck is it snowing in May? I came back from college hoping for some sunshine and countless afternoons at the park. But today I work up to a cold bedroom and a foggy window. As I wiped away the frost from the window I realized that whatever I thought today was going to be like was thrown out the window. I guess that goes for every moment in life...not everything is what you picture it to be.
I woke up this morning with countless thoughts that have overwhelmed me the past few months. Thoughts that aren't the best to think about on a cloudy, snowy, wet day. Thoughts that don't make you feel like a better person because you think about them too much. Like, why did he really leave me? What is it about church politics that disgust me so much? Am I really ready for the 'real'-world? Is is ready for me? Will my dad find a job soon? Is my sister going to get married before me? Does weight really matter? Should it?
I wanted to take captive those thoughts, throw 'em to the ground, tell them they don't own me...and forget about them. So I woke up, listened to some jams and ate some strawberries and raisin bran for breakfast. mmmhmmm...
So instead of taking the day as a crappy day because of the dreary weather. I took a full stride forward and spent the afternoon with my mom at a coffee shop. We talked about life. Man I missed my mom while I was at college.
{skinny dulce de leche...blissfully delightful}
Here is where I am the most vulnerable.
I find that a cup of coffee helps me un-wind. It re-juvenates me and creates a atmosphere where I become everything that I want to be...right in that moment I let-go of everything inside of me. Coffee is soothing for my soul and mind. I really believe that coffee shops were created for individuals to express themselves. For people to sit down and un-wind from a long day or for them to get ready for a long day. Coffee shops remind people that there is simplicity in life.
Our conversation: My mom and I talked about church politics. How horrible they are and how detrimental they are to people who call themselves "Christians". How whatever people think is right or wrong is thrown out the window. My family and I were so hurt by the people at a church that we called 'home'. What a load of crap that is now. It's been 6 months since the whole ordeal started and I'd have to say that my family is pretty strong. My dad lost his job because of it. (you see he was the pastor of the church and a group of people hated him, so they stabbed him in the back and threw him out) It's taken months for me to forgive these people but believe it or not...most of the bitterness is gone. It's still hard to see those people and look them in the eye. It's still hard to hear them say things to my family like "you need to find God" or "the church did the right thing". What is right and wrong in this situation? Its crazy.
I loved talking to my mom though. She is so wise and so funny. She reminded me that God is blessing us and we are going to be fine. My family is going to be okay, that is all that matters right?
We moved into a new home. Across town from where we lived for 8 years. It's weird to think I will never live there again. So many memories there! But new beginnings are new steps into life experiences. Those new steps will take me places I have never been before. I am about to embark on a new aventure this summer...a new desire to travel and wander.Apartment 10...my new abode.
